5 Lessons I learnt My Kinship Daughter Taught Me
My Husband and I have been Special Guardians for 10 years now… wow, where has time gone?! As with most, if not all SGO’s the child comes into your life completely unexpected, and with little or no notice. It flips your life completely upside down (that’s an understatement).
Over the 10 years I have reflected on the journey and the lessons I learnt My Kinship Daughter Taught Me:
The Impact of Trauma: One lesson I learned is that the child's past and any trauma they have experienced can significantly affect them throughout their lives, even if the trauma occurred before birth. Understanding, providing them with the support and resources to help them heal is crucial for their well-being. We quickly learnt that traumatic experiences, even if they occurred whilst they were in the mother’s womb, can profoundly shape a child's development and influence their behaviour, emotions, and relationships throughout their life.
Patience: As a Special Guardian, I discovered the importance of patience both with the process and with the child. Recognizing that they need time to adapt to their new environment and grieve their past is essential (the grief never goes away for that child). Being patient, being supportive, and giving them the space to manage that trauma/grief is key to their emotional growth.
Love Beyond Biology: Initially, I had concerns about being able to love my kinship daughter unconditionally without bias towards my biological children. However, through my experience, I quickly discovered that love is not limited to biological connections and love knows no boundaries. I learned that I am capable of loving all my children unconditionally, regardless of their biological origins. It taught me the power of acceptance and the importance of creating a loving and nurturing environment where a child feels valued, supported, and safe.
Strength and Conviction: Taking on the responsibility of a child who is not biologically yours requires strength and conviction. I realized that I shouldn't be afraid of upsetting the wider family when it comes to doing what I believe is right.
Resilience and Strength: Witnessing my kinship child’s resilience and strength in the face of adversity taught me invaluable lessons about the human spirit. Despite the challenges she faced, she demonstrated remarkable resilience and the ability to overcome obstacles. It reminded me of the importance of nurturing and fostering resilience in children, helping them develop coping mechanisms and the inner strength to navigate life's difficulties.
We were warned about how taking on a child and becoming their SGO will and/can affect the dynamics of the wider family members and how they are not always supportive of the SGO (most of our family members were supportive), but we were not warned on how the child is personally affected through the turbulent start they had to their life and how that affects them throughout the rest of their life.. Childhood Trauma.