I'm happily married and plan to grow old with hubby. However, in my younger days, pre-hubby, the transition from being in a relationship to not.. is something almost everyone at some point in their life expeirences.
If you are at that point in your life and have a recent breakup, here are a few tips I hope that will help:
Remember Who You Used to Be
What were you like before your partner? What did you look like? How did you dress? What music did you listen to? If it’s been a long time, it may even be tough to remember, but it’s important to know where the relationship you’re ending has taken you. It might be that you don’t want to get back into your old interests, but you should know what they were, even if it’s just to understand the person you are now.
It might be that, since the relationship began, your sense of humour changed, or that you stopped seeing the friends you used to have the biggest laugh with. You could get in touch with them now, or even re-explore some of your old interests. Is there a type of music that you used to listen to that your partner couldn’t stand? Find out who that person was, the past you, and why they chose that relationship.
What’s New to You?
This might be more difficult or painful for you, but you need to face up to why you’ve left this relationship. It might be that, though your music tastes changed, you don’t want to go back to listening to what you used to. Your ex doesn’t have a monopoly over your interests or your personality – so don’t worry about the fact that you’re a different person now.
If you can assimilate some of your relationship baggage healthily, then you’re also showing strength. Whatever new interests you’ve picked up, or revelations you’ve had about yourself – it isn’t necessarily all useless or negative. Allow yourself to be made stronger by your experiences by embracing some of them.
What’s Your Status?
It’s never straight forward to end a relationship, and it’s always worth bearing in mind what progress you’ve made already and what steps you still need to take. There’s always one last milestone – it might be that you haven’t change your relationship status on Facebook from ‘It’s complicated’, or that you haven’t yet told your closest family members all the grim details about how it ended.
It’s important that you don’t let anything get in the way of building up a strong support network for yourself. These are difficult times, and it always helps to have people you can share some of your vulnerability with.
Remove the Excess from Your Life
To truly move on, you need to make it official – either make it official that you’re single now or make it so that they know it’s officially ended. If you’re still married, then it might be time to contact divorce solicitors. It might even be the right time to step lightly into a new relationship or to completely cut ties with your ex. Whatever change is right for you, make it permanent.
It’s been tough to get this far, but you’ve made it in one piece. There’s a time to mope around and feel sorry for yourself, and there’s also a time to rebuild yourself into a person that nobody feels sorry for, not even you. It’s time to become that person, and to show the world how strong you are.