6 Time Management Tips for Chronically Ill Mums

6 Time Management Tips for Chronically Ill Mums/Parents

Time Management When You're a Mum With Chronic Illness

Time management looks very different when you're a parent living with chronic illness.

I can make all the lists and plans I want, but ME/CFS, fibromyalgia and chronic pain don't pay much attention to what's written in my diary. Some mornings I wake up with a reasonable amount of energy. Other days, simply getting through the basics of family life can feel like enough.

That's probably been one of the hardest things for me to accept.

As a mum, there is always something that needs doing. School, appointments, meals, washing, housework, work, messages that need answering and all the invisible jobs that come with keeping family life moving.

But my energy doesn't expand to match my to-do list.

I've had to learn that managing my time with chronic illness isn't really about squeezing more into my day. It's about deciding where my limited energy needs to go and accepting that some things will have to wait.

I still get this wrong.

On better days, I'm very good at convincing myself I can catch up on everything, only to realise afterwards that I've pushed too far. On difficult days, I can feel guilty about everything I'm not getting done.

Over time, though, I've found a few ways of making family life feel more manageable without constantly fighting against my body.

Here are six things that help me manage my time and energy as a mum living with chronic illness.

1. Decide What Actually Matters Today

One of the biggest things I've had to learn is that everything on my to-do list doesn't have the same importance.

On a lower-energy day, I try to ask myself: what genuinely needs to happen today?

It might be getting someone to school, making sure we've got something for dinner, dealing with an appointment or sorting out one important piece of admin. Other things might feel urgent simply because they're sitting there waiting for me, but that doesn't necessarily mean they have to be done today.

I find it helpful to think in terms of must do, would be useful, and can wait.

The difficult part is accepting the last category.

Living with chronic illness means there will nearly always be something I haven't managed to do. I'm learning that prioritising isn't failing to get everything done, it's choosing where my limited energy is best spent.

Housework is a good example of this. I've written separately about how I manage housework with chronic illness because I've had to completely change my expectations around what needs doing and when.

2. Have a Routine That Can Bend With Your Health

I like having some structure to my day, but I've learnt that a rigid routine doesn't work particularly well when my health can change from one day to the next.

ME/CFS and fibromyalgia don't care what I've planned.

I might go to bed thinking I'll get several things done the following day and wake up knowing almost immediately that those plans need to change.

So instead of planning every hour, I try to give my days a loose structure.

There are things that need to happen at particular times, school, appointments and family commitments, for example, but around those I need flexibility.

If I'm having a better day, I may be able to do a little more. If my pain or fatigue is worse, I need to be able to strip the day back to the essentials.

I've found that a flexible routine gives me enough structure to stop everything feeling chaotic without making me feel as though I've failed when my body changes the plan.

3. Plan Around Energy, Not Just Time

This has probably been one of the biggest changes in how I think about time management.

Having an empty hour in my diary doesn't automatically mean I have an hour available to do things.

I might technically have the time, but not the energy.

That's why I try to think about energy management as much as time management.

If I know something will take a lot out of me, an appointment, going out, a busy family day or something physically demanding, I try not to surround it with lots of other jobs.

I also try to leave space for rest rather than treating rest as something I'll squeeze in if everything else gets finished.

That's particularly important with ME/CFS because the consequences of doing too much aren't always immediate. I can get through something and think I've managed it reasonably well, only to feel the impact later.

So when I'm planning my day, I'm learning to ask two separate questions:

Do I have time for this?

and

Do I have the energy for this?

They're definitely not the same thing.

4. Give Yourself More Time Than You Think You Need

I used to plan things based on how long they should take.

The problem is that chronic illness does not work to a schedule.

Getting ready to leave the house might take longer because I need to sit down between getting dressed and doing my hair. A quick appointment can take much more out of me than expected. Even something simple like popping to the shops can become a much bigger part of my day once I factor in getting there, walking around and recovering afterwards.

I've learnt to give myself more breathing room.

If I have an appointment, I try not to fill the rest of the day with jobs just because there is technically space in the diary.

I also try to think about what happens after an activity.

Will I need to rest?

Am I likely to be in more pain?

Will I have enough energy left for dinner, family life and everything else that still needs to happen?

Building extra time into my day helps me feel less rushed, but it also gives my body somewhere to go when things do not go according to plan.

And with chronic illness, they often don't.

5. Make Life Easier Where You Can

I've become much more willing to take the easier option.

If something can be ordered online instead of me going out to get it, I will consider doing that. If dinner needs to be something simple, that's fine. If there is a household job someone else can help with, I don't automatically have to be the person who does it.

For a long time I think I associated making things easier with not trying hard enough.

I don't anymore.

Living with limited energy means I have to think carefully about where that energy goes.

There is no prize for making everyday life unnecessarily difficult.

Sometimes convenience costs money, so I know not every shortcut is realistic all of the time. But there are plenty of smaller things that can help too.

Keeping things I use regularly within easy reach, preparing something when I have more energy, setting reminders on my phone and grouping errands together can all reduce the amount of physical and mental energy I use.

If there is an easier way of doing something, I am learning that I am allowed to choose it.

6. Ask for Help and Let People Help

This is still something I find difficult.

As a mum, it is very easy to feel as though I should be the person keeping everything together.

But there are times when I simply cannot do everything.

I've had to become more honest about what I can manage and more willing to ask my family for help.

That might mean sharing household jobs, asking someone else to pick something up, changing plans or simply saying that I am too tired or in too much pain to do something that day.

I also think there is a difference between asking for help and accepting help.

Sometimes somebody offers and my instinct is still to say, "It's okay, I'll do it."

I'm getting better at saying yes.

Allowing somebody else to help with one thing can mean I have enough energy left for something that matters much more to me.

I would rather use some of my limited energy talking to my family, enjoying time together or doing something I care about than spend every bit of it trying to prove I can manage everything myself.

A Final Thought

Time management with chronic illness is not really about becoming more productive.

For me, it has been about becoming more realistic.

I cannot organise ME/CFS, fibromyalgia or chronic pain out of my life. There will still be unpredictable days. Plans will still change. Sometimes I will have to cancel things I wanted to do, and sometimes my to do list will remain largely untouched.

What I can do is work with the energy I have rather than constantly fighting against it.

I can prioritise what matters, leave space for rest, ask for help and accept that doing less does not mean I have failed.

I'm still learning this.

There are plenty of days when I get carried away because I feel a little better and then realise I've done too much. There are also days when I feel frustrated because my mind wants to do far more than my body will allow.

But I am getting better at recognising that my time is only one part of the equation.

My energy matters too.

And sometimes the most useful thing I can put on my to do list is absolutely nothing at all.

About me

I am a married mother of four children. One of those children is our granddaughter, for whom we are legal guardians and kinship carers. I run a small business, and I love to write, which is how this blog came to be.

I write about family life, kinship care, and my experiences living with chronic illness and disability, including ME CFS, spinal stenosis, TMJD, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia. I am also very aware that I am doing all of this in my mid forties, which still surprises me some days.

You are not alone here. You are welcome to stay as long as you need.

Frequently Asked Questions:

• How do you manage your time when you have a chronic illness?

  For me, managing my time starts with accepting that I cannot plan around time alone. I also have to consider how much energy I have available.

  I prioritise what genuinely needs doing, keep my plans flexible and try to leave space for rest. Some days I can manage more than others, so I have learnt that my plans sometimes need to change with my health.

• How can I manage being a mum when I have limited energy?

  I try to focus my energy on the things that matter most and make everyday life easier wherever I can.

  That can mean simplifying meals, sharing household jobs, ordering things online, changing plans or accepting help from my family.

  I have also learnt that I do not need to spend all of my available energy being productive. Having energy left to actually enjoy time with my family matters too.

• Is energy management important with ME/CFS?

  It is certainly important for me.

  With ME/CFS, having enough time to do something does not necessarily mean I have enough energy to do it. I also have to think about how an activity might affect me afterwards.

  That is why I try to plan around my available energy, include opportunities to rest and avoid filling better days with everything I have been unable to do on more difficult days.

• How do you cope when chronic illness ruins your plans?

  I'm still learning to cope with this myself.

  It can be incredibly frustrating when I have planned something and my body decides otherwise. I try to remind myself that changing or cancelling a plan because of my health is not the same as failing.

  Sometimes I adapt the plan. Sometimes I postpone it. And sometimes I have to accept that it simply isn't happening that day.

  I cannot control every unpredictable part of living with chronic illness, but I can try to be a little kinder to myself when things do not go according to plan.