Parenting with a Chronic Illness

Parenting is demanding at the best of times. Throw in my chronic illness, and it can seem like an uphill climb. How do I care for my children while struggling to care for myself? How do I balance their needs with my limitations? It's a never-ending cycle of guilt and frustration. But with my determination, adequate strategies, and a dash of self-compassion, I can not only navigate this journey but also create a wholesome environment for my children.

Prioritising self-care – the foundation of my effective parenting

As a parent dealing with a persistent health condition, it's key that I treat myself with kindness. Managing my energy becomes crucial when dealing with the dual responsibility of parenting while battling chronic illness. I don't hesitate to take frequent breaks or delegate tasks if needed. I simplify routines whenever possible - I remember that sometimes less really is more!

Opening communication – key to empowering my children

The next essential step is approaching the topic of my health condition with my children. But how much do I share with them about my struggles without burdening them? Will they understand or just worry? Thus, I provide them with age-appropriate explanations about what I'm going through and how it impacts me daily. I empower them and reduce their potential worry or stress by including them in the process.

Children are often way more resilient. By being honest about my struggles and inviting their assistance where they can provide it, I encourage their empathy growth and help eliminate uncertainty.

Setting clear boundaries – ensuring security and stability

Boundaries are an important part of any relationship – even more so when I am navigating life with chronic illness. Setting boundaries...it's a delicate balancing act between asking for help and not wanting to rely on my children too much.

Maintaining consistency ensures much-needed support for me and provides an atmosphere of security for the kids. It helps them understand their roles within the family dynamic while nurturing their personal development.

Parenting with a chronic illness is constantly navigating conflicts and uncertainties. Still, somehow, we make it work because we love our children and want to provide them with a stable and nurturing environment. But it's not easy; it takes immense strength and resilience daily.

Planning and organisation

I have developed a plan to stay on top of tasks for my children. Firstly, I prioritise tasks and break them down into manageable steps, ensuring that I don't overwhelm myself. I use a combination of digital tools and old-fashioned pen and paper to organise schedules, appointments, and important dates. Thus, to help me stay on top of everyday tasks, I utilise calendars, to-do lists, and meal plans to streamline daily activities. Moreover, I've learned it's important to be flexible.

Overall, my approach involves careful planning, effective communication, and relying on the support of my husband to ensure that my children are well taken care of despite my chronic illness.

Adjust my parenting style according to my energy levels.

As a parent with a chronic illness, I've learned that adjusting my parenting style according to my energy levels is crucial for both my well-being and my children's upbringing. When my energy levels are low, I need to prioritise self-care and conserve my energy. This might mean engaging in quieter activities with my child, watching a movie, or my daughter and I like to sit and have a chat about her school and hobbies rather than expending energy on more physically demanding tasks.

By being flexible and adapting my parenting approach based on how I'm feeling, I can ensure that I am still able to provide love and support to my child while managing my chronic illness. This approach helps me avoid a PEM Crash (Post-exertional malaise) and sets a positive example for my child about the importance of self-care and adaptability in the face of challenges.

Seeking support groups and professional help

This has also been beneficial in managing both my illness and parenting duties. It's okay to ask for help, and taking care of myself ultimately allows me to be a better parent for my children.

Navigating the challenges of parenting

Navigating the challenges of parenting with a chronic illness requires constant self-reflection and adaptation. I've learned to prioritise my well-being without feeling guilty, understanding that taking care of myself is essential for the whole family. Additionally, I've found that seeking out resources and connecting with other parents facing similar circumstances can provide a sense of community and valuable support. By embracing these strategies, I can create a loving and stable environment for my children while managing my chronic illness.

Final thoughts

Parenting with a chronic illness can seem intimidating. But I try and stay positive! I know, along with my husband, we can create a nurturing home for my children, reassuring them that everything will be okay. All that's needed are understanding, open communication, clear boundaries, and most importantly - self-care – I remind myself repeatedly that I'm doing the best I can!

It's a constant struggle to set boundaries and maintain consistency when my health is so unpredictable. But through it all, I have to keep reminding myself that I am doing the best I can for my children, even on the toughest days. I am lucky I have the full support of my husband, my mum, and my friends.

About me

I am a married mother of four children. One of those four children is our granddaughter, for whom we are SGO (legal guardians)/kinship carers. I run a small business and enjoy writing, so I blog. My blog focuses on my family life as well as my experiences of living with chronic illnesses and disabilities such as ME/CFS, spinal stenosis, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia.  Oh, and I am only in my mid-40s.