Wow, talk about a rollercoaster of a week! Just when you think things can't get worse, the universe keeps throwing curveballs your way. I mean, where do I even begin? Yesterday I got a call from the gastroenterology department at my local hospital about a referral for an gastroscopy. Yeah, you heard that right - a camera down my throat. And to top it off, they offered me an appointment for TODAY. Talk about quick turnaround! So, my husband graciously took the day off to drive me to the hospital because we knew recovery from sedation would take a while.

But here's the kicker - I decided to opt for the numbing spray instead of the sedation. Big mistake. This was my first time having a camera down my throat and let me tell you, it was HORRENDOUS. I'm already a bit of a panic-prone person, and this whole experience was torture. But you know who saved the day? The doctor and nurses were amazing. They kept me calm and talked me through the procedure. Every time I went into panic mode, they calmed me down.

Unfortunately, they found something abnormal and had to take biopsies. They sent them off for urgent review and also recommended I have a CT scan. It’s a waiting game now.

As I lay in bed writing this post, reflecting on the day, I don’t know how I really feel. Scared, but fed-up, anxious, but no point worrying… drained, tired.

These past three years have been a rollercoaster ride of emotional and physical turbulence. Sometimes I feel like I have come to terms with my poor health, but other moments - the appointment fatigue hits me like a ton of bricks. It's just one test after the other, one worry after the next - and it's downright draining. Today was especially tough. I sat in that waiting room for nearly 2.5 hours, in pain from ME/CFS and spinal stenosis, my body stiff as a board. By the time they finally called my name, the pain had taken over any anxiety about the procedure. But woo, was I in for a shock - I was not expecting it to be that bad. As I mentioned before, it was an utterly horribly experience.

So now I'm left waiting for the biopsy results and the CT scan. I know I should try to stay positive, but it's hard not to worry. Hopefully, the results will come back benign. But for now, all I can do is sit and wait.