Dealing with Devastating Remarks from Doctors: My Experience with Spinal Narrowing
The Devastating Words
The nurse explained that the Severe Foraminal Spinal Stenosis in my MRI results is caused by arthritis and degeneration in the spine. However, she also casually dismissed it as mere “wear and tear’. These words deeply affected me. Being informed at 40 years old that my acute pain and loss of dexterity was down to simple “wear and tear” and making it sound normal was heartbreaking; it was a significant blow to both my physical and emotional well-being.
The words "wear and tear" resonated in my mind long after the appointment ended. It made me feel as though the debilitating pain, numbness, tingling and weakness that I experience in my neck, shoulder and arm were being brushed aside, labelled as something so commonplace that it shouldn't warrant much attention. But for me, the pain was far from insignificant. It was a constant companion, a relentless reminder of the limitations my body was facing.
She explained to me that they would have performed surgery a few years back. However, since I had complete mobility in my neck, nowadays, they wouldn't opt for surgery. The possibility of causing further harm was deemed too high, as it could potentially impact other areas of my spine. Therefore, she suggested trying holistic methods and pain medication to manage the issue.
How it got to this point
It all started when I was first referred under orthopaedics due to neck, shoulder and arm pain, numbness, loss of dexterity, etc., and after the cortisone injections didn’t work, he organised an MRI to check my spine. When the results came back with severe narrowing, he explained that I needed to see a spinal surgeon. Hence, my orthopaedic consultant referred me to the Spinal consultant. I was promptly placed under the care of the MDT Spinal team. However, I was only able to communicate with the spinal nurse, who would relay my findings to the spinal consultants during their weekly MDT meeting. Essentially, the spinal nurse acted as the gatekeeper, responsible for all decisions regarding my care. Despite my frustration with not being able to discuss my condition of severe spinal narrowing with the consultant and to get acknowledgement that it’s more than ‘wear and tear’, the spinal nurse made it clear that it was not an option to see the consultant - this was when she said it was simply “wear and tear” and that I had to learn to live with it.
What is Foraminal Spinal Stenosis?
Foraminal Spinal Stenosis is a condition that involves the narrowing of the spaces within the spine where the nerves pass through. These spaces are known as the foramen. When these openings become restricted or smaller (narrowed), they can put pressure on the nerves that branch out from the spinal cord, leading to symptoms such as acute pain, numbness, tingling, or weakness in the affected area.
Aftermath
I left the office that day feeling a mix of frustration and disbelief. Was I overreacting to what the spinal nurse had said? Should I just accept that this was a normal part of ageing, as she had implied? These questions swirled in my mind, casting a shadow over how I perceived and managed my own health.
As days passed, I couldn't shake off the feeling of being dismissed. I realised that I needed to find a way to cope with not just the physical pain caused by my condition but also the emotional distress that stemmed from feeling misunderstood and undervalued by the healthcare system.
Learn How to Manage Pain
Initially, the spinal nurse attempted to use acupuncture as a treatment, but this only exacerbated the pain. After several unsuccessful sessions, she informed me that there was nothing else she could do. Despite taking pain medication, the pain persisted, and the spinal nurse recommended exploring alternative holistic methods. She promptly discharged me from her care. It became evident that I would not receive the assistance I needed from the spinal team or the pain clinic, so I had to take matters into my own hands and find ways to cope with the pain. I do this by practising yoga and meditation and purchasing lots of pain relief gadgets. But, most importantly, I had to learn how to manage and live with chronic and constant pain and to adapt to the lack of use of my right arm and hand.
Seek a Second Opinion
It’s taken 2 years since being discharged from the spinal team, but I finally have a new appointment booked, this time with a neurologist. This was due to my arm becoming increasingly weaker and numb and with signs of muscle wastage. Based on my past experiences, I am not getting my hopes up. I generally feel I will just be knocked back again. However, another doctor may provide a fresh perspective, offer alternative treatment options, or simply approach my condition with greater empathy and understanding (I live in hope!).
I am not defined by a single remark or diagnosis – my voice and my experiences matter.
Final Thoughts
Moving forward from a hurtful experience with a medical professional is a journey filled with ups and downs. I’ve learnt that it is essential to be gentle with myself, acknowledge my feelings, and take proactive steps to advocate for my health and well-being.
As I continue on my own path of healing and self-discovery, I hold onto the hope that one day, the healthcare system will evolve to encompass not just the physical aspects of illness but also the emotional and psychological impact it has on each individual. Until then, I stand resilient in the face of dismissive remarks, knowing that my pain is valid, my voice is heard, and my journey is worth fighting for.
About me
I am a married mother of four children, and I am in my mid-40s. I run a small business and enjoy writing, which is why I blog. My blog focuses on my experiences of living with chronic illnesses and disabilities such as ME/CFS, spinal stenosis, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia.
